Take another journey with me for another insight into in my opinion a unique people on a unique Island. Written once again very much ‘tongue in cheek’ but nonetheless true events, traditions and idiosyncrasies of the Cypriot people. It is not my intention to be derogatory or offensive to the Cypriot people as I AM one. The idea is to take actual facts and events and put a humorous twist to it all without detracting from the truth.
Read about matters pertaining to subjects such as ‘HUNTING’ ‘FOOD’ ‘GRANDMA’ and much more. Let your laughter flow.
Read about matters pertaining to subjects such as ‘HUNTING’ ‘FOOD’ ‘GRANDMA’ and much more. Let your laughter flow.
Taster:
Yiayia played a huge role in my life as a child growing up in the UK, she was very important. Well all Yiayias are important but in Cyprus they are almost indispensable.
Mum and Dad go to work to earn the money for the repayments for the two Mercedes, the house and to put Halloumi on the table, but Yiayia does EVERYTHING else! She will spend all day dusting, sweeping and mopping the house from the rafters to the cellar and then do the outside! All the while she is doing this she will be mumbling under her breath how disgustingly filthy her Daughter in law is. In between this marathon task she will also prepare a veritable banquet for everyone for when they get in AND look after the kids! Yiayia, with that cute, soft and cuddly exterior, can also be tough and sometimes even wicked! Wicked? How so? I’ll tell you how by relating a TRUE story that actually happened to me and I lived to tell the tale.
Yiayia played a huge role in my life as a child growing up in the UK, she was very important. Well all Yiayias are important but in Cyprus they are almost indispensable.
Mum and Dad go to work to earn the money for the repayments for the two Mercedes, the house and to put Halloumi on the table, but Yiayia does EVERYTHING else! She will spend all day dusting, sweeping and mopping the house from the rafters to the cellar and then do the outside! All the while she is doing this she will be mumbling under her breath how disgustingly filthy her Daughter in law is. In between this marathon task she will also prepare a veritable banquet for everyone for when they get in AND look after the kids! Yiayia, with that cute, soft and cuddly exterior, can also be tough and sometimes even wicked! Wicked? How so? I’ll tell you how by relating a TRUE story that actually happened to me and I lived to tell the tale.
Following on from ‘Armoury’ Ben Fuller continues his adventures. It’s time to put his extraordinary power to good use. He begins a journey accompanied by his five colleagues fighting crime. Their objective is to dismantle a drugs ring on the South coast of England. Share with him the action and adventure that ensues in this dangerous task. Read how he uses his power in this and other heroic events earning his stripes as a Superhero.
TASTER:
On seeing the gun, Matt and Nic immediately drew theirs and Steve’s cronies followed suit. Everybody was pointing guns at everyone else and it was just a matter of time before somebody actually fired. Then everything happened at once….
I slowly raised my left hand which was holding the briefcase as if to hand it over. At the same time I imagined a ‘Club’ in my right hand. As Steve reached out to take the case I let it fall to the ground and at the same time hit Steve’s wrist, the one holding the gun, forcing him to drop the gun. Matt and Nic instinctively dove onto the ground face down and started rapid fire at the cronies legs bringing all three of them down onto their knees. Nic had jumped to his feet and grabbed one of the men putting him into a head lock. The man struggled but couldn’t stand up as he had a bullet in each leg. Nic wrestled the man’s hands behind his back and pulled out a plastic tie-wrap from his pocket which he used to secure the man’s hands. He then pushed him to the ground face down.
On seeing the gun, Matt and Nic immediately drew theirs and Steve’s cronies followed suit. Everybody was pointing guns at everyone else and it was just a matter of time before somebody actually fired. Then everything happened at once….
I slowly raised my left hand which was holding the briefcase as if to hand it over. At the same time I imagined a ‘Club’ in my right hand. As Steve reached out to take the case I let it fall to the ground and at the same time hit Steve’s wrist, the one holding the gun, forcing him to drop the gun. Matt and Nic instinctively dove onto the ground face down and started rapid fire at the cronies legs bringing all three of them down onto their knees. Nic had jumped to his feet and grabbed one of the men putting him into a head lock. The man struggled but couldn’t stand up as he had a bullet in each leg. Nic wrestled the man’s hands behind his back and pulled out a plastic tie-wrap from his pocket which he used to secure the man’s hands. He then pushed him to the ground face down.
The third book by ‘Flora’ and
something a little different.
26 letters in the Alphabet with a rhyme for each one plus pictures.
Educational and fun to read for all the family.
26 letters in the Alphabet with a rhyme for each one plus pictures.
Educational and fun to read for all the family.
Taster:
Hello friends…
If you have been following my adventures, you will know that I am 3 years old now, so it’s time for another book and I’m so excited! My Dad has promised to help me write it as I STILL can’t hold a pen!
In my first book, ‘Flora’s Story’, I told you all about how I found my forever home and about my lovely family.
In my second book, ‘Flora…I’m Back!’ I told you about all my doggy friends that live near my house. I also told you a few doggy facts and some Do’s and Don’ts.
In this book I thought I would do something a little different, something using the alphabet.
There are 26 letters in our alphabet so I thought I would try and make up 26 rhymes for you to read and perhaps learn with your family. Something tells me that this is not going to be easy!
Let’s see how I did……
Hello friends…
If you have been following my adventures, you will know that I am 3 years old now, so it’s time for another book and I’m so excited! My Dad has promised to help me write it as I STILL can’t hold a pen!
In my first book, ‘Flora’s Story’, I told you all about how I found my forever home and about my lovely family.
In my second book, ‘Flora…I’m Back!’ I told you about all my doggy friends that live near my house. I also told you a few doggy facts and some Do’s and Don’ts.
In this book I thought I would do something a little different, something using the alphabet.
There are 26 letters in our alphabet so I thought I would try and make up 26 rhymes for you to read and perhaps learn with your family. Something tells me that this is not going to be easy!
Let’s see how I did……
Ben Fuller, he is a superhero.
He is the World’s newest superhero.
Nobody knows him yet, but they will.
Imagine discovering you have an incredible ability!
What would you do with it? Who would you tell?
Find out how Ben copes with his newly acquired astonishing ability.
How he uses it and where it takes him in this first exciting book of his adventures.
He is the World’s newest superhero.
Nobody knows him yet, but they will.
Imagine discovering you have an incredible ability!
What would you do with it? Who would you tell?
Find out how Ben copes with his newly acquired astonishing ability.
How he uses it and where it takes him in this first exciting book of his adventures.
Taster:
I turned on my heels and faced the bar lifting the gun and aiming at the mirrored backdrop then fired, ‘BANG’ and the mirror and bottles shattered into a million pieces. I slowly turned back and faced the men pointing the gun at them.
“I would leave if I were you because the next one is for you,” I said cocking the gun again.
“Wha…wha…what the fuck!” said moustache’s partner as he went to draw his revolver.
I fired again into the ground just in front of them to confirm it was real. They both turned and fled almost tripping over each other in their hast to get out. They hesitated for a moment because they were trying to push the entrance door instead of pulling which made them look like some sort of comedy slapstick duo. I fired again just behind them to help them out.
When they left I turned to see Franco and his family just standing and staring at me, Lucy was looking at me knowingly and may I add admiringly.
“Hey Mr. Ben, howa you do that?” asked Franco.
“It’s a gift,” I replied shrugging, “And I’m sorry about your bar.”
I turned on my heels and faced the bar lifting the gun and aiming at the mirrored backdrop then fired, ‘BANG’ and the mirror and bottles shattered into a million pieces. I slowly turned back and faced the men pointing the gun at them.
“I would leave if I were you because the next one is for you,” I said cocking the gun again.
“Wha…wha…what the fuck!” said moustache’s partner as he went to draw his revolver.
I fired again into the ground just in front of them to confirm it was real. They both turned and fled almost tripping over each other in their hast to get out. They hesitated for a moment because they were trying to push the entrance door instead of pulling which made them look like some sort of comedy slapstick duo. I fired again just behind them to help them out.
When they left I turned to see Franco and his family just standing and staring at me, Lucy was looking at me knowingly and may I add admiringly.
“Hey Mr. Ben, howa you do that?” asked Franco.
“It’s a gift,” I replied shrugging, “And I’m sorry about your bar.”
This book is a crock pot or compilation of anecdotes, jokes
and everything I find funny. The idea is to have a laugh. I truly believe that
laughing is a great medicine. There may be some jokes you have heard or read
before, but this doesn’t make them any less funny. A few of the stories are
actual personal events that you won’t have read before, but all in all, the
purpose is to lift you up, and even if you don’t need cheering up, it should
still make you laugh! It is aimed at adults .
‘WARNING NOT A CHILDRENS BOOK’
There is some adult content and not always politically correct, so not for the easily offended.
‘WARNING NOT A CHILDRENS BOOK’
There is some adult content and not always politically correct, so not for the easily offended.
Taster:
A very old Mafia Don is on his death bed. He calls for his Grandson Tony to come to his bedside.
“Tony, now you lissana to me I wanna for you to take a ma chrome plated .38 revolver so you willa olways remember me.”
“But Grandpa I really don’t like guns, how about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?” said Tony.
“You lissina to me, somma day you gonna be runna de business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big ouse and maybe a coupla bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find your wife with anudder man inna your bed. Whatta you gonna do? You gonna pointa your watch and shout…times up?!”
A very old Mafia Don is on his death bed. He calls for his Grandson Tony to come to his bedside.
“Tony, now you lissana to me I wanna for you to take a ma chrome plated .38 revolver so you willa olways remember me.”
“But Grandpa I really don’t like guns, how about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?” said Tony.
“You lissina to me, somma day you gonna be runna de business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big ouse and maybe a coupla bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find your wife with anudder man inna your bed. Whatta you gonna do? You gonna pointa your watch and shout…times up?!”
In the mid 1800’s, father and son Elliot and Nathan, roamed
the country earning a living performing ‘Magic Shows’, they were travellers.
Their journey eventually brings them to a town called Utopia.
They make the huge old Oak tree on the edge of the town their temporary home and its here they are to make a discovery that was to change their lives forever!
Follow them in their quest to overcome the ‘task’ that promised them wealth and happiness should they succeed.
They make the huge old Oak tree on the edge of the town their temporary home and its here they are to make a discovery that was to change their lives forever!
Follow them in their quest to overcome the ‘task’ that promised them wealth and happiness should they succeed.
TASTER:
We stopped and the water engulfed us throwing us forward. I had taken my fathers’ arm and a deep breath and pushed hard upwards with my legs which carried us to the top level with the walls that made up the maze. The water carried on flowing as we grabbed the top of the wall which was about two feet wide and pulled ourselves out and onto the top of it. The water disappeared around the corner and there we were fifty foot up on the walls of the maze!
We stopped and the water engulfed us throwing us forward. I had taken my fathers’ arm and a deep breath and pushed hard upwards with my legs which carried us to the top level with the walls that made up the maze. The water carried on flowing as we grabbed the top of the wall which was about two feet wide and pulled ourselves out and onto the top of it. The water disappeared around the corner and there we were fifty foot up on the walls of the maze!
Tony could have gone anywhere in the World to escape
Tyrone’s clutches, but circumstance took him to ‘Hastings’ on the South coast
of England, where Tyrone’s long reaching arm found him. He is once again
embroiled in a life of crime, not his chosen occupation, but one he seemed to
be enjoying.
His love life also changed in the form of Tina, a passionate woman with an insatiable appetite for sex, which Tony was only too happy to provide. Sex eventually turned into love; can love and crime exist side by side? Find out in this second part of Tony’s two worlds.
WARNING: ADULT CONTENT.
His love life also changed in the form of Tina, a passionate woman with an insatiable appetite for sex, which Tony was only too happy to provide. Sex eventually turned into love; can love and crime exist side by side? Find out in this second part of Tony’s two worlds.
WARNING: ADULT CONTENT.
TASTER:
I awoke confused; I didn’t know what time of day it was, but only briefly. It was 6pm. I wiled away the hours doing some housework and then reading my book, I was reading ‘The Godfather’ and before I knew it it was time. I had showered and dressed and had applied my secret identity, I smiled at myself in the mirror. I put on my gloves and remembered my gun which I put under my belt at the back of my trousers. I looked out the window and the Renault was still there, which was a relief. I put my Slim Jim down my trouser leg and went downstairs quietly. I stood at the front door of the house looking left and right making sure the coast was clear. I approached the car slid Slim Jim in and opened the door. The second the door was opened I was startled by the shrieking of an alarm! ‘FUCK!’ I thought to myself. I pushed down the door lock button and held the door handle up and shut the door quietly. This action locked the car again. I went down the basement flat stairs and hid behind the wall. A middle aged man appeared from a couple of doors along and he walked to the car. He pointed the remote at the car and it ‘bleeped’ turning the alarm off. He opened the car and looked around inside then locked it and walked around the car a couple of times. He pointed his remote at the car and it bleeped twice indicating that the alarm was active again and walked back to his flat. I gave it a few minutes and poked my head out from behind the wall. I approached the car and gave it a stern shove which set off the alarm again and retreated to my hiding place. The man returned going through the same procedure and left. Once he was gone I did it again. This time after checking the car he slammed the car door and walked away mumbling, “Fuckin car alarms!” and did not set it again thinking the alarm had developed a fault. I gave it a full five minutes before I did the business and drove away.
I awoke confused; I didn’t know what time of day it was, but only briefly. It was 6pm. I wiled away the hours doing some housework and then reading my book, I was reading ‘The Godfather’ and before I knew it it was time. I had showered and dressed and had applied my secret identity, I smiled at myself in the mirror. I put on my gloves and remembered my gun which I put under my belt at the back of my trousers. I looked out the window and the Renault was still there, which was a relief. I put my Slim Jim down my trouser leg and went downstairs quietly. I stood at the front door of the house looking left and right making sure the coast was clear. I approached the car slid Slim Jim in and opened the door. The second the door was opened I was startled by the shrieking of an alarm! ‘FUCK!’ I thought to myself. I pushed down the door lock button and held the door handle up and shut the door quietly. This action locked the car again. I went down the basement flat stairs and hid behind the wall. A middle aged man appeared from a couple of doors along and he walked to the car. He pointed the remote at the car and it ‘bleeped’ turning the alarm off. He opened the car and looked around inside then locked it and walked around the car a couple of times. He pointed his remote at the car and it bleeped twice indicating that the alarm was active again and walked back to his flat. I gave it a few minutes and poked my head out from behind the wall. I approached the car and gave it a stern shove which set off the alarm again and retreated to my hiding place. The man returned going through the same procedure and left. Once he was gone I did it again. This time after checking the car he slammed the car door and walked away mumbling, “Fuckin car alarms!” and did not set it again thinking the alarm had developed a fault. I gave it a full five minutes before I did the business and drove away.
A hilarious guide to living in Cyprus.
Even if you have no intention of living in Cyprus, get an insight into an extraordinary world of chaos!
Written very much ‘tongue in cheek’ to make you laugh.
I have included many pictures that depict Cyprus life more than my words can.
Make yourself happy, make yourself laugh!
Taster:
He is followed by his three ‘mini-me’s’, not quite the same weight, but catching up quickly. Two boys, probably ten months between them so they look like twins, and a daughter a bit older who will probably have to start shaving soon.
And here comes the wife, and such a contrast you have never seen! The lady is positively anorexic! A stick insect has more meat on it! It leaves you wondering how on earth they had children together; surely any sexual encounter between them would result in her being severely injured? She has her arm through Yiayias arm that can hardly walk on a hard surface never mind sand! Why are they torturing her so? I can only assume it’s to look after the ‘Weebles’.
They stake their claim by sticking a pole in the sand with an umbrella. The Dad, as if marking his territory, walks backwards dragging his heel in the sand around the pole, he claims about an Acre! This is why…
He returns to the pickup truck with the eldest weeble and comes back with three sun loungers and another umbrella. Second trip he comes back with a plastic table and four chairs. The third trip he returns with a Gazebo! Which they erect in record time as they have done it so many times. Fourth trip is the BBQ, coal and firelighters. Fifth trip are the cold boxes, one with the meat in it, one with salads and fruit, and one with the beers and other cold drinks. The piste de resistance, on the sixth trip, an amplifier, two speakers and a CD player and a small generator that will also power the two halogen lamps that come on the seventh trip! I think they are here for the long term!
He is followed by his three ‘mini-me’s’, not quite the same weight, but catching up quickly. Two boys, probably ten months between them so they look like twins, and a daughter a bit older who will probably have to start shaving soon.
And here comes the wife, and such a contrast you have never seen! The lady is positively anorexic! A stick insect has more meat on it! It leaves you wondering how on earth they had children together; surely any sexual encounter between them would result in her being severely injured? She has her arm through Yiayias arm that can hardly walk on a hard surface never mind sand! Why are they torturing her so? I can only assume it’s to look after the ‘Weebles’.
They stake their claim by sticking a pole in the sand with an umbrella. The Dad, as if marking his territory, walks backwards dragging his heel in the sand around the pole, he claims about an Acre! This is why…
He returns to the pickup truck with the eldest weeble and comes back with three sun loungers and another umbrella. Second trip he comes back with a plastic table and four chairs. The third trip he returns with a Gazebo! Which they erect in record time as they have done it so many times. Fourth trip is the BBQ, coal and firelighters. Fifth trip are the cold boxes, one with the meat in it, one with salads and fruit, and one with the beers and other cold drinks. The piste de resistance, on the sixth trip, an amplifier, two speakers and a CD player and a small generator that will also power the two halogen lamps that come on the seventh trip! I think they are here for the long term!
After my success with ‘Floras story’
I asked my Dad to write another book on my progress. Do you know I am two years
old now?
I have included lots of photos for you to look at.
It makes great bedtime reading, but it doesn’t HAVE to be bedtime
Please leave a message on my Dads website and tell him what you thought about my book.
I have included lots of photos for you to look at.
It makes great bedtime reading, but it doesn’t HAVE to be bedtime
Please leave a message on my Dads website and tell him what you thought about my book.
A little taster:
Are you always good? No really, are you?
I was very naughty a while back, I tore up the fly screen on the patio door, AND I did it on purpose! Why? I’ll tell you why. My family went out one evening, and I realise that they can’t take me everywhere with them, but they were very late coming home and I missed them terribly. I thought that if I got into the house and lay on one of their beds, I wouldn’t feel so lonely. I know I did wrong and they were very angry but they did forgive me. A nice man called ‘Do it all Dave’ came and fixed it, and do you know the naughtiest thing? I did it AGAIN to the other door!
So what is the naughtiest thing you have ever done?
Are you always good? No really, are you?
I was very naughty a while back, I tore up the fly screen on the patio door, AND I did it on purpose! Why? I’ll tell you why. My family went out one evening, and I realise that they can’t take me everywhere with them, but they were very late coming home and I missed them terribly. I thought that if I got into the house and lay on one of their beds, I wouldn’t feel so lonely. I know I did wrong and they were very angry but they did forgive me. A nice man called ‘Do it all Dave’ came and fixed it, and do you know the naughtiest thing? I did it AGAIN to the other door!
So what is the naughtiest thing you have ever done?
Tony Leonitou, born in the East End of London of Cypriot
parents.
He was the eldest of four siblings.
He worked hard to build a successful business in his chosen field, the shoe trade.
He climbs the ladder to the top, but due to circumstance, he comes tumbling down hard.
Tony marries along the way, but for the wrong reasons, Cypriot tradition and custom.
The inevitable happens and his marriage also ends in disaster.
His life takes an unexpected turn when he meets Tyrone! He is slowly but surely drawn into
A life of crime which he grows to like.
Then he met Liza...it had to stop or risk losing her forever!
He was the eldest of four siblings.
He worked hard to build a successful business in his chosen field, the shoe trade.
He climbs the ladder to the top, but due to circumstance, he comes tumbling down hard.
Tony marries along the way, but for the wrong reasons, Cypriot tradition and custom.
The inevitable happens and his marriage also ends in disaster.
His life takes an unexpected turn when he meets Tyrone! He is slowly but surely drawn into
A life of crime which he grows to like.
Then he met Liza...it had to stop or risk losing her forever!
A taster of Two Worlds:
Naive, easily led, but also head strong and determined, that’s me, I am Tony. I was born in 1950 of Cypriot parents. Hackney Hospital was the location, in the East End of London. My parents were George and Irini Leonitou, and they came to the UK in 1948 in search of a better life. In those days, as far as Cypriots were concerned, the streets in the UK were paved with Gold, as opposed to Donkey shit in their village streets.
I was the eldest of four children, in descending order of age, Angela, Costas and Dimitra. I suppose you could describe me as of average intelligence, I wasn’t an academic, I went to Primary school, junior school, and after failing my 11+ I went to an all boys Secondary school.
At that time, 1961, there were a minimal amount of foreign students in schools, and in fact, I was the only Cypriot in the whole school. Although I was born in the UK, my darker skin and foreign name, left me open to bullying and racist abuse. I had no choice but to suffer this for a couple of years until my brother Costas joined me at the same school, only then did my attitude change. The natural protectiveness towards my brother surfaced. I could handle being bullied myself, but when it came to my brother being pushed around, it was a different matter. I was involved in scraps and fights almost every day in my brother’s honour, going home with black eyes and fat lips regularly.
Then Stephanos joined us, things really changed then! He was an amazing six foot tall, already had facial hair which he showed off with his Mungo Jerry sideburns, and the makings of a decent moustache. For a 14 year old, this was pretty cool.
As time passed, Stephanos, my brother and I, earned the respect that we had fought for, in fact, it would be fair to say that in a way, we had become the bullies. We soon had a following of new friends. Even the teachers got involved using me as a sort of ‘peacemaker’, just to give their seal of approval, they made me Head Prefect. With the help of Stephanos and my brother, we did a good job of keeping reasonable order in the playground.
Naive, easily led, but also head strong and determined, that’s me, I am Tony. I was born in 1950 of Cypriot parents. Hackney Hospital was the location, in the East End of London. My parents were George and Irini Leonitou, and they came to the UK in 1948 in search of a better life. In those days, as far as Cypriots were concerned, the streets in the UK were paved with Gold, as opposed to Donkey shit in their village streets.
I was the eldest of four children, in descending order of age, Angela, Costas and Dimitra. I suppose you could describe me as of average intelligence, I wasn’t an academic, I went to Primary school, junior school, and after failing my 11+ I went to an all boys Secondary school.
At that time, 1961, there were a minimal amount of foreign students in schools, and in fact, I was the only Cypriot in the whole school. Although I was born in the UK, my darker skin and foreign name, left me open to bullying and racist abuse. I had no choice but to suffer this for a couple of years until my brother Costas joined me at the same school, only then did my attitude change. The natural protectiveness towards my brother surfaced. I could handle being bullied myself, but when it came to my brother being pushed around, it was a different matter. I was involved in scraps and fights almost every day in my brother’s honour, going home with black eyes and fat lips regularly.
Then Stephanos joined us, things really changed then! He was an amazing six foot tall, already had facial hair which he showed off with his Mungo Jerry sideburns, and the makings of a decent moustache. For a 14 year old, this was pretty cool.
As time passed, Stephanos, my brother and I, earned the respect that we had fought for, in fact, it would be fair to say that in a way, we had become the bullies. We soon had a following of new friends. Even the teachers got involved using me as a sort of ‘peacemaker’, just to give their seal of approval, they made me Head Prefect. With the help of Stephanos and my brother, we did a good job of keeping reasonable order in the playground.
Read about Flora the Mini Pinscher puppy that literally strolled into our house
and found her forever home, and at the same time changed our family from three people to four.
Flora writes the story with a little help from me.
Great reading for children, but some adults would probably enjoy it too. Look out for her second book.
TASTER:
Hello, my name is Flora. It wasn’t always Flora, but I am going to tell you how I eventually got my name, and found my forever family.
Once upon a time, not so long ago, I found myself wandering about lost in a place I had never been before. Not that I had been anywhere anyway, as I was only two months old. I vaguely remember being in a car, the car stopped and I was thrown out onto a grass verge, and then the car sped off. As the man threw me out, he mumbled something like “.......a floppy ear” and something about, “....not worth anything looking like that!” I don’t know what he meant?
I was feeling very, very frightened. It wasn’t cold, as I live in Cyprus and it was still quite warm, but it was night time. I sat for a while on the verge where I had been thrown, and watched the car speed off around a corner and out of sight. I sat in the dimly lit road and looked around me, feeling alone, frightened, and not knowing what to do.
and found her forever home, and at the same time changed our family from three people to four.
Flora writes the story with a little help from me.
Great reading for children, but some adults would probably enjoy it too. Look out for her second book.
TASTER:
Hello, my name is Flora. It wasn’t always Flora, but I am going to tell you how I eventually got my name, and found my forever family.
Once upon a time, not so long ago, I found myself wandering about lost in a place I had never been before. Not that I had been anywhere anyway, as I was only two months old. I vaguely remember being in a car, the car stopped and I was thrown out onto a grass verge, and then the car sped off. As the man threw me out, he mumbled something like “.......a floppy ear” and something about, “....not worth anything looking like that!” I don’t know what he meant?
I was feeling very, very frightened. It wasn’t cold, as I live in Cyprus and it was still quite warm, but it was night time. I sat for a while on the verge where I had been thrown, and watched the car speed off around a corner and out of sight. I sat in the dimly lit road and looked around me, feeling alone, frightened, and not knowing what to do.
This book was written as a dedication to my recently deceased brother.
It's mainly humorous stories of myself growing up with my siblings.
Humorous anecdotes and observations in memory of my brother as he was the main cause of most of the hilarity.
It's mainly humorous stories of myself growing up with my siblings.
Humorous anecdotes and observations in memory of my brother as he was the main cause of most of the hilarity.
TASTER:
IDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECTS
It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, and Dino and I were playing in the garden. We had got bored with hitting each other, and digging up worms, so we were hunting around the over grown wilderness for something to entertain us. My brother eventually found something.
“Ere, Taki, look!” he shouted with glee, as he held up a...dead Pigeon!
What could we play with a dead Pigeon? I’ll tell you what. You tie a piece of string, (to be found in Dads sulking room, the shed), around the Pigeons legs, you then swing it around and around as fast as you can, then you let go! Super! See who can make a dead Pigeon fly the highest.
I Went first. I spun and spun for all I was worth, and eventually let go, WOOSH! But instead of upwards, it went horizontally, hitting my brother full in the face! Well I thought it was funny, but alas he didn’t. When he had finished crying, and I finished laughing, he wanted to have his turn, but...HE wanted to use the half brick he had found. He tied the string around the brick and started to spin, and eventually let go. UP, UP, UP, it went, as we stood and watched it disappear into the sunlight. We stood with mouths open as the brick re entered the Earth’s atmosphere. I stepped back a bit as the brick was hurtling towards us, but my brother wasn’t moving, and sure enough, WHACK! Onto his head!
‘What a great game’ I thought, as my brother writhed about on the ground in agony! (How cruel was I?).
He was consoled when I told him he had won the game!!
IDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECTS
It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, and Dino and I were playing in the garden. We had got bored with hitting each other, and digging up worms, so we were hunting around the over grown wilderness for something to entertain us. My brother eventually found something.
“Ere, Taki, look!” he shouted with glee, as he held up a...dead Pigeon!
What could we play with a dead Pigeon? I’ll tell you what. You tie a piece of string, (to be found in Dads sulking room, the shed), around the Pigeons legs, you then swing it around and around as fast as you can, then you let go! Super! See who can make a dead Pigeon fly the highest.
I Went first. I spun and spun for all I was worth, and eventually let go, WOOSH! But instead of upwards, it went horizontally, hitting my brother full in the face! Well I thought it was funny, but alas he didn’t. When he had finished crying, and I finished laughing, he wanted to have his turn, but...HE wanted to use the half brick he had found. He tied the string around the brick and started to spin, and eventually let go. UP, UP, UP, it went, as we stood and watched it disappear into the sunlight. We stood with mouths open as the brick re entered the Earth’s atmosphere. I stepped back a bit as the brick was hurtling towards us, but my brother wasn’t moving, and sure enough, WHACK! Onto his head!
‘What a great game’ I thought, as my brother writhed about on the ground in agony! (How cruel was I?).
He was consoled when I told him he had won the game!!
11 short stories with a twist.
Specifically written for those short breaks you have.
A quick read fix.
Specifically written for those short breaks you have.
A quick read fix.
Taster:
Perhaps
he could devise some sort of accident! Give her a fright that would change her
mind, a little fall perhaps? He put the kettle on and made some tea. They sat
at the kitchen table, sipping their tea, Steven was in deep thought, what could
he arrange that would frighten the old cow? Not too dangerous, just to frighten
her. ‘I’ve got it!’ he thought. One of his regular duties was to come and help
her to bed. When she was on the chair lift, he could arrange for it to stop
half way up. Now that would scare her
“Something wrong son? You’re very quiet” said his mother.
“No, no mum, just thinking, anyway must go now, Mrs. Tawny will be here shortly, I’ll see you tonight” said Steven as he stood to leave.
Steven returned to his mother’s house that evening, as he did every evening. He helped his mother onto the chair lift, and pressed the ‘up’ button. “I’ll just fill your hot water bottle mum, see you at the top” said Steven.
With that, he went to the kitchen and opened the cupboard that concealed the mains electricity fuse box; he then pulled out the fuse that controlled the chair lift. The lift stopped.
“Steven! Steven! Help! Something has happened!” she cried out, more than a little disturbed.
“Something wrong son? You’re very quiet” said his mother.
“No, no mum, just thinking, anyway must go now, Mrs. Tawny will be here shortly, I’ll see you tonight” said Steven as he stood to leave.
Steven returned to his mother’s house that evening, as he did every evening. He helped his mother onto the chair lift, and pressed the ‘up’ button. “I’ll just fill your hot water bottle mum, see you at the top” said Steven.
With that, he went to the kitchen and opened the cupboard that concealed the mains electricity fuse box; he then pulled out the fuse that controlled the chair lift. The lift stopped.
“Steven! Steven! Help! Something has happened!” she cried out, more than a little disturbed.
Much like the previous two books in this series, ‘Only in Cyprus’ and ‘Only in Cyprus the sequel’, this one will also enlighten you on a unique people on a unique island. Although it is written in a humorous tongue in cheek way, it covers actual fact. I have included some personal experiences that I have used to convey some of the Cypriot traits and traditions.
There are three parts to this book. The first covers some myths/sayings from my Yiayias’, (grandmothers), generation and long before. The second part introduces you to a whole new language invented by us ‘Charlies’, (UK born Cypriots), and as well as this I include some ‘Cypriot slang’. The third part is about personal experiences that explain various customs/traditions that we Cypriots have.
So get comfortable, pour a nice big glass of wine and have a laugh.
There are three parts to this book. The first covers some myths/sayings from my Yiayias’, (grandmothers), generation and long before. The second part introduces you to a whole new language invented by us ‘Charlies’, (UK born Cypriots), and as well as this I include some ‘Cypriot slang’. The third part is about personal experiences that explain various customs/traditions that we Cypriots have.
So get comfortable, pour a nice big glass of wine and have a laugh.
Taster:
Leg swinging
Leg swinging is something most of us have enjoyed/engaged in as youngsters. Leg swinging is the thing we do when sat on a chair and your feet don’t quite touch the floor. Our feet dangle so we swing them back and forth, why I don’t know, and if there is something for our heels to bang on, all the better to annoy. Maybe it’s a nervous thing our legs feel vulnerable dangling in midair? Anyway, we do it.
So, I and my three siblings are once again sat around the table and we are waiting for our father to finish preening himself and come and join us. Mum is slaving over a hot stove. There is nothing worse than bored kids so the legs start to swing, back and forth back and forth until my leg happens to hit my sister’s leg under the table. Being the drama queen that she was, (sorry sis), she lets out a yell that would raise the dead! This grabs mums attention.
“Stamatatè”
“Stop it”
We obey for a nano second and then the legs start swinging again, until somebody gets hit again. Another yell!
“Iba sas stamatatè”
“I told you to stop”
So we stopped, mostly because mum was the one to be feared. Dad was still upstairs putting waves into his hair, (yes he was a very vain man), and eventually we got bored again. This time we were careful not to hit each other’s legs, so instead we used our heels to bang onto the chair legs. That’s when it happened…..!
The wooden spoon my mother was holding narrowly missed my head as she screamed at the top of her voice….
“Un men stamatisete, tha bethani o babas sas!”
“If you don’t stop, your father will die!”
WTF!! We froze! There was stunned silence. The four of us looked at each other with mouths open as our eyes flitted from one to the other. Then we did the strangest thing, it was as if we could read each other’s mind, where we were swinging our legs at a slow steady pace, sort of marching pace, we all simultaneously started to swing our legs at DOUBLE TIME!!
Was it because we didn’t like dad much? Or was it to test mums shocking revelation!? I think it was 50/50. J
Leg swinging
Leg swinging is something most of us have enjoyed/engaged in as youngsters. Leg swinging is the thing we do when sat on a chair and your feet don’t quite touch the floor. Our feet dangle so we swing them back and forth, why I don’t know, and if there is something for our heels to bang on, all the better to annoy. Maybe it’s a nervous thing our legs feel vulnerable dangling in midair? Anyway, we do it.
So, I and my three siblings are once again sat around the table and we are waiting for our father to finish preening himself and come and join us. Mum is slaving over a hot stove. There is nothing worse than bored kids so the legs start to swing, back and forth back and forth until my leg happens to hit my sister’s leg under the table. Being the drama queen that she was, (sorry sis), she lets out a yell that would raise the dead! This grabs mums attention.
“Stamatatè”
“Stop it”
We obey for a nano second and then the legs start swinging again, until somebody gets hit again. Another yell!
“Iba sas stamatatè”
“I told you to stop”
So we stopped, mostly because mum was the one to be feared. Dad was still upstairs putting waves into his hair, (yes he was a very vain man), and eventually we got bored again. This time we were careful not to hit each other’s legs, so instead we used our heels to bang onto the chair legs. That’s when it happened…..!
The wooden spoon my mother was holding narrowly missed my head as she screamed at the top of her voice….
“Un men stamatisete, tha bethani o babas sas!”
“If you don’t stop, your father will die!”
WTF!! We froze! There was stunned silence. The four of us looked at each other with mouths open as our eyes flitted from one to the other. Then we did the strangest thing, it was as if we could read each other’s mind, where we were swinging our legs at a slow steady pace, sort of marching pace, we all simultaneously started to swing our legs at DOUBLE TIME!!
Was it because we didn’t like dad much? Or was it to test mums shocking revelation!? I think it was 50/50. J
