March 2017 Blog entry 'An insight into my state of mind'

I had difficulty getting enthusiastic about any one subject to write about  in my blog this month. I half wrote about how ‘Mothers Day’ came about but soon got bored with it, so if you want to know just Google ‘Anna Jarvis’ daughter of Ann Reeves Jarvis.
I started to write about all the side effects I’m getting from the barrel load of pills I have to take every day to stay alive, but this depressed me so much I put a line through that also.
As I sat trying to get inspiration from who knows where, I was faced with yet another dilemma! Do I want a Scotch or should I have a Beer as it’s early yet?  maybe a Wine? Yes friends, these are the things I fight with myself about. Since I have been alone I find that I am worrying about stuff that really do not matter, but I suppose that comes with having too much time on my hands.
I do miss my wife but for the wrong reasons.....I think?
Who is going to scratch that itch in the centre of your back that is just out of reach? It is a major problem! I find myself rubbing my back up and down the doors edge to get relief. The problem was solved when my daughter bought me a back scratcher, telescopic no less!
The other day I was sitting with my feet up watching TV and something made me laugh and I mean laugh out loud. Suddenly I stopped! I looked around me and remembered that I was alone and it just didn’t seem to be funny anymore. Laughter should be shared. On the upside, when there is something really sad happening in a film you are watching, there is no more worrying about your wife and daughter seeing the tears in your eyes or the snot coming out of your nose as you try and stifle a whimper, well I mean, ‘Men don’t cry’ do they? Fucking right they do, I can now let rip with an audible wailing and nobody can see me!
 
I’m not writing anymore, I almost tore this up! See you next month. xx
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