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Sept/Oct 2020 blog entry "PISS PROUD"

17/10/2020

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​Hi all hope you are well.
Not that anybody noticed, but I didn’t write a blog entry last month, and very nearly didn’t bother this month. There isn’t a mysterious or earth shattering reason why I didn’t, it was just pure laziness. I keep jumping from “What’s the point?” and “Pull yourself together” moods. Also I don’t mind admitting that all this Covid shit is getting me down, so……….this month, to cheer me/you up, my entry is an absolutely true funny story that I wrote and included in my book, “Now that’s Funny”. This can be found here on my website. The story is called “Piss Proud”
 
​‘Piss Proud’
 
You have woken up with a record breaking erection! You think to yourself, ‘why can’t I get erections like this when I need them most?’.
 
It’s not actually an erection of the sexual nature, but what men call ‘Piss Proud’. It’s when you have a bladder that is full to the brim because you had a couple of beers before bedtime and couldn’t be bothered to go for that last pee before getting into bed. This is me on one of those occasions.
 
I woke up after a restless night simply because I couldn’t sum up the energy, or was too lazy to get up and go for a pee. I’m sure some of you have been there! I shuffled to the bathroom in a zombieonic state, (I think I just invented that word), anyway, I shuffled to the bathroom and I am now standing in front of the toilet bowl. Mr. Willy is pointing straight up at my chin. If I peed now I was sure I could hit my chin with ease, but I don’t want to do that!
 
Using my right index finger I push Mr. Willy down to direct him to the bowl. Now, bear in mind that Mr. Willy’s skin is so taught that this action actually hurts. As hard as I push, there is no way he is ever going to point at the bowl! The maximum he will tilt is to point at the uplifted seat.
 
I calculated that if I took two steps backward, it would be the correct distance for the accumulating pee to find its target, allowing for some springing action and the gale blowing in through the window.
 
Normally, when having a pee after needing to go urgently, you associate a sort of warm satisfying feeling of relief, not as good as having a good pooh, but close. When you are in this condition this is not the case. After adjusting myself a little more and confirming to myself that I was in the correct position, I let it floooow…
 
Not only did it feel like I was pissing razor blades, the turbo jet of pee decided to split itself into two streams! Each jet of pee was soaking the floor either side of the bowl!! Nowhere near on target!
 
So now I have a wet marble floor, a wet hand that is trying to stem the flow, and I’m not even awake yet! I eventually manage to stop the gusher. The bonus is that Mr. Willy is now a little less taught, so hopefully a little more manageable.
 
I proceed to poke Mr. Willy’s eye a bit with my finger just in case there is some sort of obstruction causing this split in flow. I take a step nearer the bowl and rest my head on the wall behind the bowl, and then shuffle my feet back a tad. I push down on Mr. Willy again and let the backup free…wrong move!
 
The pee, which was under pressure from my squeezing Mr. Willy’s head, burst forth with such force, it hit the toilet lid, ricocheted off that and sprayed my whole lower body! The shock of this action caused me to jump back, slip on the wet marble floor and bash my chin on the lid on the way down nearly driving my teeth through my tongue, and I cracked my knees on the edge of the toilet bowl!!!
 
 
 
F**K IT I PEED IN THE SHOWER!!
 
That's it till next time. Stay safe and Peace. xxx
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August 2020 blog entry: "It was good while it lasted"

28/8/2020

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Hello fellow sufferers, hope you are all still coping.

This is more an announcement than a blog entry, and really the title says it all.

My journey started when Nic, my youngest son, was visiting from the UK with my future daughter in law Katherine. Whilst having a chat and a couple of beers, my son asked me if I had ever thought of letting the room they were staying in on Airbnb? At that time, I didn’t even know what Airbnb was! Once their visit was over I decided to look into it, and as it appeared, it could be quite lucrative. It would serve two purposes, I needed to earn some extra cash, plus I would have company and feel less alone, so I took the plunge.

After setting it all up and going live, I found that within days I was getting bookings, in fact I had bookings for a couple of months ahead. It continued and went from strength to strength. I met people from all over the World and made some great friends who I am still in touch with. I eventually gained “Superhost” status and had over 100, 5 star reviews. So a couple of years later, I had earned enough to modernise and improve my flat, I had enough extra cash so as not to worry about the occasional meal out, all was great. The only downside I suppose was the loss of privacy, but what did I need privacy for? I lived alone and my days of entertaining were over, so a small price to pay.

January 2020, I had bookings until the end of August, and even one in October then it happened!! Covid happened!! My March bookings started to cancel one by one and so it has gone from there. I still had bookings but decided that I would cancel them. I couldn’t/can’t take the risk with all my ailments, I am too vulnerable and health comes before money in my book.

So now, 6/8 months later I have to admit, I am loving my new found freedom. I have realised how valuable privacy is. Don’t get me wrong, I am missing the people and the money to be honest, but I’ve had enough. I was finding it increasingly difficult with my C.O.P.D.  to clean the whole flat in two hours between guests, yes I still have to clean, but in my own time.
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So there you have it. Any ideas how I can earn a few extra euros?
Until next time
Peace xxx
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July 2020 blog entry "The Mati"

29/7/2020

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Hi all, I hope you are all coping.

This month I would like to enlighten you on “The Mati” or evil eye. It is something that goes way back to the 6th century BC.
We all know about being given the evil eye, you know, that side wards scowling glance! In those days it was thought of as a curse. Luckily there was a few ways of removing the curse from the afflicted ones. You would go to a “healer” who could perform a variety of rituals on you and remove the curse.

One such ritual was a sort of prayer. The healer would say, “If (put name here), is afflicted by the evil eye, release him/her” This would be repeated 3 times. If the victim is afflicted, both the victim and the healer would start to yawn profusely, (Hey, I am just the messenger) the healer then makes the sign of the cross 3 times and starts to make spitting sounds in the air 3 times. This releases the victim from the curse.

Another test to find out if the person is afflicted by the evil eye is the “Oil” test. Under normal circumstances, oil will float on water. A drop of Olive oil is dropped into a glass of water, preferably holy water, if the oil floats, the person is not afflicted, however, if it sinks, OOPS!!

Yet another test, the “Clove” test, the healer sticks a pin through a Clove. Then a candle is lit. Picking up the Clove with a pair of scissors or tongs, he/she does the sign of the cross over the victims head and whilst this is happening the victim is asked to think of the person who they suspect afflicted them with the evil eye. The healer then holds the Clove over the flame of the candle. If the Clove burns silently, there is no evil eye present. If the Clove explodes and burns noisily, it means that the person the victim was thinking about is indeed the culprit. As the Clove explodes, it is said that the evil eye leaves the victim. The Clove is then dowsed into a glass of holy water, and along with the pin it is buried in the garden.
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I am here to tell you that nowadays, there is a far easier way to ward off the evil eye. Way back when, I don’t know when, a symbol was invented in the form of a Talisman or Pendant. It looked a bit like this:
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​As we come into the here and now, in modern day, you can buy all sorts of jewellery and other accessories with the symbol of the “Mati”. Wear these items or hang one on your wall at home, and you are assured of an “evil eye” free life. If you ever visit Greece or Cyprus, you can buy these things in most gift shops etc. Now if you can’t come and visit, I highly recommend you go here:
​www.ispywithmyevileye.co.uk
​ There you will find all manner of jewellery and other goods with the “Mati” incorporated.  Now I’m not saying that Ekaterina, (the owner of this online shop) is a “Healer” and I’m not saying she isn’t, but talk to her and she will guide you, as she certainly knows her “Mati” to the point of obsession.  Pay her a visit, I did.
Well that’s all for this month so stay well, don’t let the Mati get you.
Peace xxxx
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June 2020 blog entry: "Strolling on the Promenade"

24/6/2020

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​Strolling on the Promenade
 
Monika busied herself wiping down tables and taking food and drink orders in between. Some people may think that being a waitress is just a job, but for Monika it was her life. She loved people and loved making them happy.
At home, her husband Rick was seated at the kitchen table pondering on life. He had turned 40 years old a couple of days ago and was going through a bit of a mid life crisis. He was ‘in between jobs’ as the saying goes, not that he had had a proper job for a long time. He was a bit of a bad boy who kept bad company doing bad things. His physique earned him a reputation of being a strong arm man and was often involved in scraps or worse. Despite all of these misgivings, Monika loved him.
Rick had become bored so decided to go to Monika’s place of work and have a coffee and perhaps a bit of cake to wile away an hour or so. As Rick entered the restaurant, he saw Monika in deep conversation with her boss Peter. Rick didn’t like the way he stood so close to her. When Monika spotted Rick she suddenly stepped back and approached the table where Rick had seated himself . She took his order of a large Cypriot coffee and a slice of Apple pie.
As Rick sipped his coffee he noticed Peter approach Monika numerous times and each time he would get close and whisper in her ear. He was getting quite jealous. Monika came to check up on him and Rick took the opportunity to ask her.
“What does he want every five minutes whispering in your ear?” he snapped.
“Don’t be silly Rick, it’s just work.”
This made Rick angrier, angry to the point that he walked out and went home. He sat at the kitchen table again sulking. Was she having an affair with her boss? His thoughts were running away with him.  ‘I know I’m not the perfect husband, and I do neglect her sometimes’.  He sat there winding himself up. Eventually Monika came home. She looked upset. She had a frown on and her normally smiling lips were pointing downwards.
“What’s up?” Rick asked.
“I’ve been fired, that’s what’s up!” said Monika also sitting at the table.
“Fired, what on earth for?” asked Rick angrily.
“I want you to go and sort him out!” said Monika through gritted teeth.
“Just because he fired you?”
“No because of the reason he fired me! He cornered me in the stock room and he fired me because I wouldn’t submit to his advances, the bloody letch!”
“I knew it!!” shouted Rick banging his fist down onto the table making the cruet set jump up in the air. “I’m going to teach him a lesson right now!”
“I’m coming with you,” said Monika standing up.
It wasn’t long before they were strolling along the Promenade towards Monika’s work place. It had started to rain and the wind was picking up which didn’t help Rick’s foul mood. The stroll had turned into a brisk walk as they passed McDonalds, a few doors away from the restaurant. They had arrived.
“I’ll teach the pervert” said Rick as the anger welled up again.
They walked in and all was in darkness. Luckily Peter hadn’t locked the doors yet. Rick could see Peter’s silhouette fiddling about behind the bar.
“Oi you scumbag! You think it’s ok to harass my wife do you?”
“I...I...I didn’t harass your wife,” said Peter stuttering with fear.
“I’ll teach you!” said Rick as he lunged toward the bar.
Peters hand suddenly disappeared below the bar as he said, “Hold it right there!”
Rick thought that Peter had some sort of weapon concealed below the bar and stopped in his tracks. Suddenly the lights came on and from under the bar Peter produced a balloon, it had a big ‘H’ printed on it. Then one by one, heads popped up from behind the bar and each person was holding a balloon with a letter printed on it. Rick read the words:
H-A-P-P-Y  B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y
They started to sing to him. Then Monika who he had not even noticed she had gone appeared from the kitchen holding a big cake with a big candle that was formed into a ‘40’.
“Happy Birthday darling!” Monika beamed.
There was laughter all round and it took Rick a few seconds to see the funny side but he did and joined his friends in the merriment.
 
END
Chris Christodoulou
30/8/2017
 
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May 2020 blog entry. "Lost the plot"

29/5/2020

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​Hi fellow prisoners, hope you are all coping. I almost didn’t bother doing a blog entry this month, mainly because I couldn’t be arsed. (Well at least I’m honest). Another reason is because I couldn’t think of a subject to write about, and again, it’s because I couldn’t be arsed. I get like that, the less I do, the less I want to do. Not a good attitude I know.
So why have I lost the plot? TV ads are why. Obviously I’m watching much more TV lately. I have even got into things like “Coronation Street” and “Emmerdale”.  I can tolerate those but the ads in between is another matter. Obviously I am less tolerant and irritable after 84 days of self-isolation or “shielding”, but honestly, some of those ads….. I might be making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I find some of them really irritating. The condescending and patronising way they are portrayed, as if we are all imbeciles.  If you want to sell ME something, at least make it believable. I understand that some are deliberately supposed to be humorous, but……
The latest ad that gets my goat is for “Magnum” ice cream. Now, I love Magnums, but because of this new ad, I will now not buy one!! How pedantic am I?  It starts nice enough, showing you a futuristic and flamboyant process of this new Magnum being made for a glamourous model who is eagerly awaiting it. Eventually she is handed the finished Magnum which she slowly raises to her mouth. At this point, I must inform you that I suffer with “Misophonia”. This is an absolute hate for noisy eaters. Right, so those of us that have had a Magnum, know that as you bite into it the chocolate covering sort of crackles. When our model bites it…”CRUNCH!!!”  Talk about exaggerated sound effects. It sounds like she is biting into a brick! When I bite a Magnum, 9 out of 10 times, the chocolate cracks and falls off onto my hands/floor.
Another favourite of mine, NOT, is the “Tampax” ad. Two ladies sitting on a settee, one asks, “Can you feel your tampon?”  “Yes” replies the other lady. “Well you shouldn’t” exclaims the first lady. She then proceeds to demonstrate, using her hand as a fake vagina, how to insert your tampon! WTF!! Are you telling me that women don’t know how to insert their tampons?  Tampons were invented for commercial sale in 1929! (Thank you Google), surely they have learnt by now?
Then there is toilet paper. First off, why do we need toilet paper adverts? I mean, who doesn’t use toilet paper?  Also, I fail to see the connection between toilet paper and Labrador puppies! Is it because wiping your bum with Andrex, is like wiping your bum with a nice soft puppy? And if so, who tried that out?
What about those baths and showers made to assist people with mobility problems? I may need one myself one day, but why does it show a lady having a shower and she then walks out of the shower with a towel already wrapped around her. Keep it real!
Then there is those “bladder leak pants”(may need those too one day), Woman standing in front of a mirror showing us from all angles and she is banging on about how “pretty” they are”, REALLY?
Well hope you enjoyed my silliness. Please let me know in the comments bellow YOUR most irritating advert. Until next time, love and peace. xxx
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April 2020 blog entry, "Jini", (Hunting).

25/4/2020

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Hi all, hope you are staying safe and staying home. A little something to make you smile. A short story that is included in my second "Only in Cyprus" book. You have time so have a chuckle.
​Second only to the ‘Body Building Brigade’, Jini is the most macho thing a man can do in Cyprus….apparently. I must be a sissy because I do neither! Body building is a no no since my heart stopped me lifting even a cup of tea, and to kill animals for sport is just not my thing. I know it’s not my thing because I have tried it….twice! Why it’s deemed macho to walk around fields and valleys shooting at defenseless birds and rabbits is beyond me. Maybe it’s because they get to hold a GUN!? I will share with you my two Jini experiences and I think you will agree that I am right to leave it to the macho men.
 
Whilst having a cup of coffee with my neighbor Philipos, he said, “ELA NA BAME JINI AVRIO” (Come hunting tomorrow). I explained that I had never been before and besides I didn’t own a gun. “THEN BIRAZI EXO THIO EGO” (Doesn’t matter I have two), he exclaimed. He was most insistent and badgered me until I accepted his invitation. This is when I was to discover that there were two 3 o’clocks in a day! I was instructed to come to his house at this unearthly hour in the morning. He told me we would be driving up into the mountains where he knew of some great hunting grounds and that nobody else knew about them.
 
Three in the morning and I gently tapped on Philipos door so as not to wake the whole household. Philipos slowly opened the door and he was in full battle dress! That is to say, starting from his head to his toes; On his head was one of those stupid looking hats with the floppy bits coming down over his ears, I think they are called ‘Deerstalkers’, but under that he wore a Green Balaclava! He wore a three quarter length jacket with a special belt for hanging your dead animals on, and on top of that, a waistcoat that had hundreds of little pockets for putting your cartridges in. Then there were those baggy trousers, ‘Combats’ I believe, and all finished off with a pair of fur lined willies! ALL this attire was in the customary camouflage colors of Green and Brown. I would have to keep a very close eye on him or he would just become invisible amongst all the foliage. Me? Well I was wearing my Levi Jeans and a light Grey jumper! He insisted that I wear one of his jackets because I would frighten off all the wildlife…seriously? He gave me a crash course on how to open, load and close the gun and we jumped into the pickup and set off for the mountains and the secret hunting grounds.
 
We had been driving for about 30mins. Which equates to a fair distance in Cyprus considering you could drive from one end of the Island to the other in about 4 hours. Suddenly, Philipos made a sharp turn Left taking us off the main road and onto a dusty track. We drove a further 5mins through Woods and Vales and there in the middle of nowhere was a building…..it was a Taverna!
 
“BROYEVMA” (Breakfast), he said.
 
WHAT! at this hour? I rarely eat breakfast, well maybe a couple of slices of toast about 10am when I’m fully awake, but at 4am? Philipos explained that it was a traditional thing to do, it was part of the ‘Hunting trip experience’. We parked and went into the Taverna. I couldn’t help but point out that it was surprisingly busy considering nobody knew the place we were going to.
 
“THEN EFTASAME AGOMA!” (We haven’t got there yet!) , he retorted.
 
I asked him where the menu was, which sent him into fits of laughter.
 
“No menu”, he answered, beaming from ear to ear because he had answered in English.
 
I looked around me at the surrounding tables and noticed they were all eating the same thing…SOUP!
 
“Soup for breakfast?”  I said.
 
“NE, SOUPA TRAXANA! IS GOOD FOR YOU ENE KIP YOU HOT!”
 
I think he meant it warms you up. Anyway, ‘TRAXANA’ is made with Wheat and Yoghurt. It is mixed together and then rolled out into strands and then put out into the Sun where it is left to dry until it is rock hard. When you want to make TRAXANA, you add water and boil it and voila soup! Sometimes they cut up little cubes of Halloumi cheese and drop it into the mix like you would croutons.
 
Now, I am ok with Wheat and I love Halloumi, but if there is anything that turns my stomach it’s Yoghurt! Put all these ingredients together and you have, in my opinion, a plate full of baby PUKE! No really, it looks like puke and it smells like puke and it tastes like two day old puke! I would rather bang a blunt rusty nail into the end of my knob than eat it! …….Sorry, I had to make my point J I explained that I wasn’t hungry and that I was going outside for a fag, I smoked then.
 
Philipos eventually finished his pu … sorry breakfast, and came out so we could continue our journey. We drove for a further 30mins but we were going upwards now over some very rough terrain. There were lots of mountains, well little hills. The pickup was almost at 90 degrees it was so steep, then suddenly it leveled out and we were on top of the hill on a plateau which is where Philipos parked. I have to admit that it was stunning up there. The scenery was amazing. I wished that I had a camera and not a gun. I looked around and realized that there were four other pickup trucks there! I quickly pointed this out.
‘THEN BIRAZI’ (Doesn’t matter), said Philipos. So much for his ‘secret’ place!
 
Philipos handed me a side by side double barreled shotgun and six cartridges. He instructed me to keep the gun loaded but open whilst we walked.
‘ELA BERBATOUME’ (Come let’s walk).
 
I dutifully followed Philipos. Now, considering this was a secret place, the wide dusty track we were following looked like the Chinese Army had marched through on one of their field exercises! It was trodden flat and clear of all undergrowth.
 
Suddenly, Philipos turned to face me with his finger to his lips gesturing for me to be quiet, he had seen something! He slowly lay down flat onto his stomach and had me follow suit. I lay by his side. He then slowly crawled up the track Commando style, so I followed his lead. He stopped and did that gesture they do in war films and pointed directly in front of us. I looked and yes indeed I saw in the distance a pair of Rabbit ears twitching like they do. It was sat in the middle of the track and was a sitting Duck….well Rabbit. I watched as Philipos took careful aim and BANG he fired. The dust settled and the Rabbit was still there!
‘GAMMO TA!!’ (Fuck it!) said Philipos irritated as he fired his second cartridge. I couldn’t believe it the Rabbit was STILL there! Philipos bashed me on the back.
‘BEXE TON GAMMO SHISTI!’ (Shoot the f***ing ***t).
I took aim as if I had done this a hundred times before and pulled the trigger but….being a novice at this, I had pulled the trigger all the way back instead of one click! This resulted in both cartridges firing at once! Not only that, but as I didn’t have the butt of the gun pressed tightly against my shoulder as instructed, the gun shot backwards and landed on my back. Philipos just looked at me in disbelief and disgust at my pitiful efforts. We got to our feet and would you believe it, the Rabbit was still there! We walked toward the invincible one and as we got closer I started to laugh. We had been shooting at two long blades of wild grass that had grown in the middle of the track having survived the Chinese army and now us. Should have gone to Specsavers!
 
After some aimless wandering about without seeing a living thing, we were heading back to the truck. There on the Plateau were at least six other men smoking, drinking Tzivania and chatting. I looked around again at the beautiful location. Opposite us was another hill and on that plateau there were a few men milling about. Separating us was a deep valley. As we all stood around exchanging stories about the ones that got away, a huge flock of birds were spotted and they were flying towards us. You have never seen so many men load their weapons so quickly. The guys on the other side of the valley had spotted them too. The birds got closer and closer swooping down into the valley between the hills. All the shotgun barrels went up at once like some sort of synchronized event, and the firing began with a vengeance, they needed a kill!! I stood back and two things crossed my mind. If by some slim chance any of these crazed so called marksmen should actually hit anything, it would just drop deep down into the valley where they had next to zero chance of retrieving it! The second and most scary thought was that there were two sets of trigger happy men on either side of a valley firing guns across it in each other’s direction! Many deaths are recorded during hunting season and I didn’t want to be a statistic so I went and sat in the pickup. ‘Health and Safety’ what’s that?
 
My second experience of Jini just a few weeks later wasn’t nearly as eventful, but nonetheless it was the deciding factor that hunting was not for me.
 
Again, over a cup of Cypriot coffee with another neighbor, Georgios, having heard that our mutual neighbor Philipos had taken me hunting, decided that he was not to be outdone and that he was going to take this ‘Charlie’, that’s me, hunting also. I protested the fact that I hadn’t enjoyed my first outing but Georgios was insistent. The thing that tipped the scales was the fact that we wouldn’t be going miles away. The hunting grounds were quite local just about five miles away. Also we wouldn’t be leaving at 3am in the morning but at 5pm in the evening. It wasn’t going to be so much a hunting trip but a life’s lesson for his two little boys one was 11 years old and the other just 9 years old! They start them young over here.
 
So that evening we all piled into Georgios pickup and set off for ‘TROULI’. We drove for about five minutes up the ‘B’ road that joined us to the neighboring village and then turned off into some fields and the wilderness. Georgios parked in an Olive grove and opposite the grove grew some very tall Bamboos. This is where we were going to loiter as apparently a certain type of bird nests in the Bamboo.
 
Georgios took his super duper €2000 up and under double barreled shotgun out of its case. It was gleaming and it was his ‘Baby’, nobody but nobody was allowed to touch it! Banikos, the eldest son, had a high powered air rifle with telescopic sights, he was ordered to share it with me. The youngest son, Matheos, had the job of picking up the mass of birds we were going to massacre. His other job was to go into the Bamboo growth and disturb it so the birds would fly out and to their deaths!
 
We stood at the edge of the Bamboo growth as Matheos disappeared into it. After just a few minutes the birds came charging out….all ONE of them! I’m sure it waved as it flew past us. Georgios fired at it twice and missed followed by Banikos who also missed.
 
 
 
Banikos handed me the air rifle, it was my turn to have a go at the next opportune moment. We stood around rolling fags and chatting for what seemed like hours and there was not a bird in sight. I was enjoying the tranquility of the country side when suddenly a bird came into sight heading directly for us.
 
‘GRIGORA BEXE TO!’ (Quickly shoot it!).
 
I looked down the telescopic sight and took careful aim just in front of it as I was instructed. I fired! With a swerve and a fluttering of wings the bird plummeted earthwards and came crashing down about a hundred yards ahead of us. Two emotions went through my mind at that moment;
 
“Wow I hit it!” and “Oh no, I hit it!”
 
The two boys went running toward it so I joined them. I looked down at the most beautiful bird I had ever seen close up, it was a ‘Kingfisher’ I was told. The poor thing was writhing and fluttering in agony! I was overcome with sadness, what had I done?
 
‘EN SONTANO AGOMA’ (It’s still alive), exclaimed Georgios.
 
No shit Sherlock! I thought, almost in tears. I gave the gun to Banikos and got down on my knees next to the poor bird. I don’t know what I expected to do because this bird was way past mouth to mouth and before I could do anything ‘SMASH’ Banikos had brought the butt of the gun crashing down on the defenseless birds head! That was it, no more bird and no more hunting for me!
 
 
 
Well hope you enjoyed that, and all being well, see you next month.

​Peace xxx
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March 2020 blog entry, "My Corona"

28/3/2020

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​Hi everyone, hope you are all coping under these extraordinary circumstances.

Once again, I struggled with what to write about for my monthly blog and just couldn’t get my mind off the obvious, COVID-19. It wasn’t that long ago when the media in every form was banging on about BREXIT, now this.
I haven’t left my home for 18 days now! I am petrified of getting this killer disease. I am a high risk candidate because of my underlying health issues. I have Heart disease, chronic Lung disorder and Kidney problems yes I have hit the jackpot!! The staying home bit I don’t find so difficult because having lived alone now for a few years, and not going out much anyway, it’s nothing new, but isn’t it strange that when you are told you CAN’T go out, you want to even more. I’ve felt lonely before but now I feel lonelier. What I am finding hard is not being able to hug my daughter Lucy. It is hard not hugging all of my children, but they all live in the UK, Lucy lives here in Cyprus. The other day she came with her mum Sarah to bring me some food, (thank you), they had to leave it outside the door. We chatted at the required distance apart and I found it heart breaking.

Another strange thing, with all this time on my hands, which I had anyway Lol, when I could be doing stuff, I’m doing nothing!! This is the first writing I’ve done in ages. Now, if you want to know how many lengths of laminate I have on my floors, or how many seeds were in the Pomegranate I had yesterday, but anything constructive? NO!
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My son Nick and his fiancé Katie were due to get married in May, and I was all booked up for a trip to the UK, but now it has been postponed until next May. Another lost opportunity to see all my children.
A little verse I wrote recently:

Oh Corona Corona
What is it with you?
You came out of nowhere
What are we to do?
Like we haven’t got enough problems
To deal with every day
Why don’t you do one and fuck off away
Or are you trying to kill us oldies
With already enough disease and ills
Who merely survive not by washing hands
But by taking a ton of pills.
​
Well hopefully this will soon be over and we can go back to some sort of normality. Until then people, follow the rules, stay safe, stay home and stay alive.
Peace xxx
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February 2020 blog entry, "St. Valentines"

13/2/2020

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Hi all, hope you are well.

I was just wondering, apart from a reason to show your love and affection, (if you need a reason), spend money, and generally get drawn in to the commercialism of “Valentines Day”, are you aware as to where it all started? No? No nor did I but after much research and finding many answers, this is the one that appealed to me.

St. Valentine was a priest in Rome in the 3rd century AD. At the time, Emperor Claudius 2nd, decided to ban marriage. He believed that married men made bad soldiers. (I wonder why?). Valentine opposed this so he decided that he would carry out marriages in secret to those that wanted it. Eventually Emperor Claudius found out about this and jailed Valentine with a death sentence to follow.

Whilst in jail, Valentine fell in love with the jailers daughter who brought him food every day. On February 14th, Valentines execution day, he sent his lady a love letter and at the bottom he signed it:
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“From your Valentine”

Thus the special day was born.
I said I liked this explanation but don’t necessarily believe it. What I believe is that “Hallmark”, the big greeting card and manufacturer invented it!! Lol!
Either way, I agree with us all showing that we care. Personally, I won’t be sending or receiving any Valentine cards, but I do wish you all a very happy Valentines day full of love and peace.
See you next time. xxxxx
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January 2020 blog entry "Bourgouri"

15/1/2020

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​I hope everyone enjoyed the festive period, and hope this year gives you all you want. Myself? Well I’m looking forward to better things and I thank the Universe that I am still breathing.
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This month I thought I would share with you a tried and tested recipe for “Bourgouri”,  (Bulgar wheat). It is a staple Cypriot food that can be served with almost everything or as a standalone meal. With preparation, it takes less than 30mins to make and to your plate. Ideal for vegetarians/vegans, but also great served with meat. I like to cook a couple of “Louganiga”, (Cypriot sausage), and cut them up to bite size pieces and mix them into my plate of Bourgouri….Yum!
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THE INGREDIENTS:
3 Tablespoons of olive oil.
1 cup bourgouri
1 finely diced onion.
⅓ cup vermicelli.
300mls vegetable stock
1 tablespoon tomato puree
½ teaspoon cumin
Salt and Pepper to taste.
 
THE METHOD:
  1. Heat the oil in a saucepan and fry the onions until soft and translucent.
  2. Add the vermicelli and cook for a further 2 to 3 minutes or until a golden colour, being careful not to burn it.
  3. Add tomato puree, cumin, salt and pepper and mix.
  4. Add bourgouri and vegetable stock and stir.
  5. Lower heat and cover saucepan and simmer for 10 minutes.
  6. Take off heat and stir then recover and let sit for a further 10 minutes.
  7. Your bourgouri is ready to serve. Enjoy.
Well until next month, I wish you peace and happiness. xx
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December 2019 blog entry "For my Mum"

16/12/2019

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For my Mum
 
We all have a mother
And of course she is the best
That she is like no other
She is better than the rest.
 
Well I am no exception mum
I believe all the above
Yes of course I am bias mum
You taught us how to love.
 
You have gone to a better place
well that is what they say
what I do know in any case
is that you have gone away.
 
To never see your face again
Or see your lovely smile
To never watch you knitting again
Whilst humming all the while.
 
Are you with my brother now?
I would take comfort in that fact
I want to believe somehow
And keep my dreams intact.
  
I just want you to know mum
Wherever you may be
I love you very much and some
You meant the world to me.
 
So until we can party again
At some future date
Rest in peace without pain
And I’ll see you at “The Gate”
 
Love you mum. xxx
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