May 2020 blog entry. "Lost the plot"

​Hi fellow prisoners, hope you are all coping. I almost didn’t bother doing a blog entry this month, mainly because I couldn’t be arsed. (Well at least I’m honest). Another reason is because I couldn’t think of a subject to write about, and again, it’s because I couldn’t be arsed. I get like that, the less I do, the less I want to do. Not a good attitude I know.
So why have I lost the plot? TV ads are why. Obviously I’m watching much more TV lately. I have even got into things like “Coronation Street” and “Emmerdale”.  I can tolerate those but the ads in between is another matter. Obviously I am less tolerant and irritable after 84 days of self-isolation or “shielding”, but honestly, some of those ads….. I might be making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I find some of them really irritating. The condescending and patronising way they are portrayed, as if we are all imbeciles.  If you want to sell ME something, at least make it believable. I understand that some are deliberately supposed to be humorous, but……
The latest ad that gets my goat is for “Magnum” ice cream. Now, I love Magnums, but because of this new ad, I will now not buy one!! How pedantic am I?  It starts nice enough, showing you a futuristic and flamboyant process of this new Magnum being made for a glamourous model who is eagerly awaiting it. Eventually she is handed the finished Magnum which she slowly raises to her mouth. At this point, I must inform you that I suffer with “Misophonia”. This is an absolute hate for noisy eaters. Right, so those of us that have had a Magnum, know that as you bite into it the chocolate covering sort of crackles. When our model bites it…”CRUNCH!!!”  Talk about exaggerated sound effects. It sounds like she is biting into a brick! When I bite a Magnum, 9 out of 10 times, the chocolate cracks and falls off onto my hands/floor.
Another favourite of mine, NOT, is the “Tampax” ad. Two ladies sitting on a settee, one asks, “Can you feel your tampon?”  “Yes” replies the other lady. “Well you shouldn’t” exclaims the first lady. She then proceeds to demonstrate, using her hand as a fake vagina, how to insert your tampon! WTF!! Are you telling me that women don’t know how to insert their tampons?  Tampons were invented for commercial sale in 1929! (Thank you Google), surely they have learnt by now?
Then there is toilet paper. First off, why do we need toilet paper adverts? I mean, who doesn’t use toilet paper?  Also, I fail to see the connection between toilet paper and Labrador puppies! Is it because wiping your bum with Andrex, is like wiping your bum with a nice soft puppy? And if so, who tried that out?
What about those baths and showers made to assist people with mobility problems? I may need one myself one day, but why does it show a lady having a shower and she then walks out of the shower with a towel already wrapped around her. Keep it real!
Then there is those “bladder leak pants”(may need those too one day), Woman standing in front of a mirror showing us from all angles and she is banging on about how “pretty” they are”, REALLY?
Well hope you enjoyed my silliness. Please let me know in the comments bellow YOUR most irritating advert. Until next time, love and peace. xxx